How To Stop People Pleasing To Lower Your Fibromyalgia Symptoms

I admit that I am a people pleaser. Which means, I tend to do things I don’t want to do to help other people or so they will think kindly of me. Really, all moms are probably people pleasers in some way. For years, I put my own needs on the back burner to take care of everyone else. Needless to say, I was not good at establishing and enforcing boundaries. This is still a work in progress with me, but let’s go into more detail.

My People Pleasing Background

As I mentioned above for years I put my own self-care on the back burner. I would work, pick up the kids, make dinner, help with homework, bathe the kids, read books and then do chores after I put them to bed. By the time the day was over I was exhausted, and that was before I had fibromyalgia. My husband and I worked opposite schedules so even though my family was a two-parent home, it often felt like I was a single parent.

Then there is my low self-esteem and caring too much what people think of me. That has put me in the people pleaser category probably my whole life. This scene might look familiar to you as well. When I was in 5^th grade, I started at a new school. I wanted the kids to like me, so I would play games at recess that I didn’t want to play. This was the beginning of my people pleasing journey. Newsflash – not everyone is going to like you and you can’t make everyone happy! (this is mostly a note to self)

Nitty Gritty of Fibromyalgia and Stress

There isn’t a lot of research on Fibromyalgia, but there is some. I have seen in my own life and those around me that fibromyalgia tends to run in the family. This leads me to believe there is a genetic component. Which – side note- I am taking a college class on Fear and Stress and I am learning that our environment can literally change our cells. Stress can turn off gene expression within a cell and that can be passed down to future generations. My point is, that some people may be predisposed to getting fibromyalgia. Adding stress, lack of self-care, inadequate nutrition, drugs or alcohol, lack of exercise, or smoking and you could have a recipe for a fibromyalgia diagnosis. Which also might equate to why fibromyalgia symptoms are more controlled when those actions take place in some people.

How People Pleasing Leads to Illness

Trying to please other people makes you susceptible to illness because you are putting undue stress on yourself. I recently had someone send me an email telling me that they were unhappy with an email sent out by my blog. The person then unsubscribed. I sent out an apology, but it really got me thinking. Thousands of people visit my blog every month and I cannot possibly make thousands of people happy with my every move. That didn’t stop it from bothering me for a while though.  I really thought on why the person was upset and then why I was upset and here is what I came up with for tips for myself and you.

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5 Tips To Stop People Pleasing

1. Boundaries – This is super important! You have to establish a line for yourself. What is the amount of information you are willing to give or receive? How much is too much? These are questions you have to ask yourself and then apply them when it happens.
2. Accept yourself – This one is easier said than done. You can only change yourself not others. That being said, the only person that needs to accept you is YOU! I recommend starting slow with this process. Take one thing about yourself and work on accepting it and if you don’t like it then work on changing it. That is up to you.
3. Be Genuine – This applies to how you treat yourself and others. Don’t be afraid to be the REAL you! If people don’t like you that is their loss, not yours. Really, what good comes from being fake anyway? You never know if those around you like you for you or the “fake you”.
4. Accountability – This applies to yourself and others. Be accountable for your actions, meaning if you do something and it hurts someone else own it. If you are sorry about it apologize. Make others accountable for their actions towards you as well. This goes along the lines of boundaries as well.
5. Prioritize Yourself – This one is so important and so hard sometimes. I love helping others, so much that is why I am working on becoming a marriage family therapist. But, (and I can’t stress this enough) helping others shouldn’t HURT YOU! This is where number 1-4 come into play in order to fully utilize number 5. Make your own self-care come first, then help others. What do they say? You can’t drink from an empty well.

Bottom Line

I know that these five tips are not the easiest to do. Any behavior change takes time and effort. I can tell you from my forty-six years on this planet that being true to yourself is the best way to help yourself and the people you love. I have fibromyalgia but it doesn’t have me. I will always do whatever I can do to live the healthiest life I possibly can. Do I fall off this wagon? Hell yes I do all the time. So far though, I have picked myself up and started over each time. That is all you can do – BE THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE!

The more you can implement these tips, the less stress you will have. In turn, you will be lowering your fibromyalgia symptoms. I would love to know if you have some tips on how to improve your fibromyalgia symptoms by not being a people pleaser anymore.